Post by Fickle81 on Jan 20, 2008 23:25:35 GMT -5
Disclaimer:The version I saw of this seems to have been the original R rated cut. I've researched what was thrown into the theatrical version,and it sounds like what was included made the film EVEN WORSE than it already is. Please keep this in mind at all times while reading this review...thank you...oh yea,and this review also contains major spoilers,so view with caution...
For those who may have not been paying any attention to the official thread for Rob Zombie's Halloween on I See Dead,it has been suggested of me by meezookeewee and Freddy=Legend that I watch Captivity to see how it stacks up to the workprint of Rob Zombie's Halloween as the worst movie of 07 (eventhough I didn't see this till early 08).
So I got it,watched it,and...yea,they weren't lying nor is their judgement faulty. This is pretty damn bad...actually,it's quite terrible.
-Given what was to come in the rest of the film,what the hell was the point of that guy getting killed at the beginning? Well,I'll tell you...to trick/mislead the audience into thinking that the film was gonna go one way,only to go an entirly different way altogether...a low and cheap tactic indeed.
-What was up with the many points in the movie where it needlessly used the fade to black transition? I can understand it for the parts where a character gets drugged/knocked out,but not as a transition to use in a montage of preperations done by the killer.
-I usually don't mind Elisha Cuthbert,but man did she suck here. She must have known she was in a piece of shit,and just phoned her performance in. Cash that paycheck,Elisha!
-The investigation subplot was handled in such a botched,slapdashed,whopperjawed,broken down mess of a fashion that even the average movie viewer with no idea how to properly critically analyse the films they watch would cringe. It really only served 2 purposes:#1. To pad the clock forward. #2. To provide ametuer home film making 101 type of exposition. It's so underdeveloped that it might as well not be in the movie at all. And on top of that,these guys have pratically no clues or leads whatsoever,and yet they're able to not only come up with theories,motives,and means COMPLETELY OUT OF NOWHERE,but they're even eventually able to come to the house in which all of it is going down! Where exactly did they come up with all this shit? Their asses?
-How the hell does a gym locker slam shut by itself?
-During Jennifer's first encounter with Gary,there is a shot where the flame of the lit match Gary is holding for light has burned to the point where it's extremely close to his fingers...then the next shot is a closeup of Gary's face...then the following shot after that is the same type of shot as the first,only the flame is at the top as if he struck a new match...which is fine,except for the fact that he didn't. This is considered a continuity error and isn't really a big deal most of the time,but here it is because it's like they didn't even make any attempts to mask it. It's so out in the fucking open that pretty much anybody (even said average viewer unable to critically analyse film) will see it.
-Speaking of Gary,the moment he came onto the screen (at exactly the 21 minute mark),I knew he was in on the whole thing...and fucking sure enough I was right on. Granted,I didn't predict the exact motive (which I'll cover in a second),but I knew he was gonna be involved nonetheless...and if I could have seen that coming,I sure as shit don't know why Jennifer couldn't...well actually I do,because she's a dumb bitch. I was also able to predict who the killer was in Dario Argento's Opera around the 20 minute mark as well,but at least that movie gave me more a feeling of competent film making than this camal pile.
-Plenty of stupid dialogue...like this gem for example:
"Oh trust me,he's a he. Women don't do this kind of shit."
HA!
-Picture this...you're in a crisis situation such as being held captive in a room...would your first instinct be to look for any POSSIBLE flaw in the structure in order to find your way out? Yes? Well,it wasn't this bitch's first instinct...her first instinct was to hide under the bed,clutch her stuffed animal,tell herself hypothetical situational stories,and picture her ideal lover...the FUCK?!
-Did I seriously hear Cuthbert refer to herself as a guy? Talk about terrible writting...nevermind having the line be "and if it wasn't for PEOPLE like me"...no,lets make our lead actress look like a complete and utter dumb bitch.
-So because a white cloth cover was dropped on the car Gary and Jennifer used to try to get away,that automatically means they're trapped inside? She wasn't even able to open the car door,eventhough she was able to get inside of it. THEN,she didn't even try breaking through the windows in an act of desperation like any normal person would.
-Correct me if I'm wrong,but doesn't there need to be some kind of connection (probably via a tube) between a car's A/C system and a cannister full of gas? I'm pretty sure there does...so maybe somebody would like to explain to me how turning the knob on a gas cannister thats BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE AND IS NOT CONNECTED TO THE CAR IN ANY WAY can release a knockout gas through the A/C vents of said car.
-So,lets get back to what you would do in a crisis situation such as being held prisnor in a room. Would sex not be the LAST thing on the mind of an average human being? Thought so...but once again,not to Jennifer as she ends up fucking Gary while both are being held captive (or at least Gary pretends to be)...but it's not just her,it's every single bitch that Gary and her brother have ever captured! And this,my friends,is where the motive is revealed. Apparently,Gary and his brother capture these women,make it look like Gary is held prisnor as well,instill so much fear in the women that they break down and have sex with Gary,and then kill them. What kind of stupid bitches are these?
-And of course,Gary had to pull the whole "this girl is different" love angle. What exactly made her so different? She was a shallow sterotypical bitch.
-You're telling me Gary went all that time without noticing that the cabinet he put the tapes of him having sex with the captive women wasn't closed like he thought? Even with all that cleaning up he was doing in the house? Not fucking buying it,so don't try to sell it...in fact,don't even give it away.
-A couple of people had a bad habit of unrealistically coming back to life after it looks as though they've been definitivly killed.
So now,with all that stabbed in,it begs the question...is this (the version I saw) worse than Rob Zombie's Halloween (the workprint,which is also the version I saw)? Well,in order to come up with the answer,I need to compare the number of legite flaws I found in both:
Captivity:16-22
Rob Zombie's Halloween:AT LEAST 30
I believe the answer is obvious...NO IT ISN'T! While Captivity had its fair share of stupidity that made the movie terrible,you could pratically find stupidity in damn near every scene of Halloween...PLUS the fact that Captivity looks stupid all on its own,while Halloween pratically drags the much SUPERIOR original film down (no I'm not saying that the remake nessasarally affects the original's quality...I'm talking in terms of mere association). So yea,I'm sorry guys,but Halloween was worse.
However,having said that,again keep in mind that I didn't watch the unrated or theatrical cut of Captivity nor have I seen the theatrical version of Halloween. The theatrical version of Captivity seems to contain even more flaws that would make it slightly less worse or even just as bad as Halloween,while the theatrical version of Halloween could very well be just as bad as this version of Captivity. One thing is for sure though,neither one of them match the ineptitude of Day of the Dead 2 Contagium.
Overall though,yes,this movie is terrible and is a big fat waste of time and celluloid.
2/5
For those who may have not been paying any attention to the official thread for Rob Zombie's Halloween on I See Dead,it has been suggested of me by meezookeewee and Freddy=Legend that I watch Captivity to see how it stacks up to the workprint of Rob Zombie's Halloween as the worst movie of 07 (eventhough I didn't see this till early 08).
So I got it,watched it,and...yea,they weren't lying nor is their judgement faulty. This is pretty damn bad...actually,it's quite terrible.
-Given what was to come in the rest of the film,what the hell was the point of that guy getting killed at the beginning? Well,I'll tell you...to trick/mislead the audience into thinking that the film was gonna go one way,only to go an entirly different way altogether...a low and cheap tactic indeed.
-What was up with the many points in the movie where it needlessly used the fade to black transition? I can understand it for the parts where a character gets drugged/knocked out,but not as a transition to use in a montage of preperations done by the killer.
-I usually don't mind Elisha Cuthbert,but man did she suck here. She must have known she was in a piece of shit,and just phoned her performance in. Cash that paycheck,Elisha!
-The investigation subplot was handled in such a botched,slapdashed,whopperjawed,broken down mess of a fashion that even the average movie viewer with no idea how to properly critically analyse the films they watch would cringe. It really only served 2 purposes:#1. To pad the clock forward. #2. To provide ametuer home film making 101 type of exposition. It's so underdeveloped that it might as well not be in the movie at all. And on top of that,these guys have pratically no clues or leads whatsoever,and yet they're able to not only come up with theories,motives,and means COMPLETELY OUT OF NOWHERE,but they're even eventually able to come to the house in which all of it is going down! Where exactly did they come up with all this shit? Their asses?
-How the hell does a gym locker slam shut by itself?
-During Jennifer's first encounter with Gary,there is a shot where the flame of the lit match Gary is holding for light has burned to the point where it's extremely close to his fingers...then the next shot is a closeup of Gary's face...then the following shot after that is the same type of shot as the first,only the flame is at the top as if he struck a new match...which is fine,except for the fact that he didn't. This is considered a continuity error and isn't really a big deal most of the time,but here it is because it's like they didn't even make any attempts to mask it. It's so out in the fucking open that pretty much anybody (even said average viewer unable to critically analyse film) will see it.
-Speaking of Gary,the moment he came onto the screen (at exactly the 21 minute mark),I knew he was in on the whole thing...and fucking sure enough I was right on. Granted,I didn't predict the exact motive (which I'll cover in a second),but I knew he was gonna be involved nonetheless...and if I could have seen that coming,I sure as shit don't know why Jennifer couldn't...well actually I do,because she's a dumb bitch. I was also able to predict who the killer was in Dario Argento's Opera around the 20 minute mark as well,but at least that movie gave me more a feeling of competent film making than this camal pile.
-Plenty of stupid dialogue...like this gem for example:
"Oh trust me,he's a he. Women don't do this kind of shit."
HA!
-Picture this...you're in a crisis situation such as being held captive in a room...would your first instinct be to look for any POSSIBLE flaw in the structure in order to find your way out? Yes? Well,it wasn't this bitch's first instinct...her first instinct was to hide under the bed,clutch her stuffed animal,tell herself hypothetical situational stories,and picture her ideal lover...the FUCK?!
-Did I seriously hear Cuthbert refer to herself as a guy? Talk about terrible writting...nevermind having the line be "and if it wasn't for PEOPLE like me"...no,lets make our lead actress look like a complete and utter dumb bitch.
-So because a white cloth cover was dropped on the car Gary and Jennifer used to try to get away,that automatically means they're trapped inside? She wasn't even able to open the car door,eventhough she was able to get inside of it. THEN,she didn't even try breaking through the windows in an act of desperation like any normal person would.
-Correct me if I'm wrong,but doesn't there need to be some kind of connection (probably via a tube) between a car's A/C system and a cannister full of gas? I'm pretty sure there does...so maybe somebody would like to explain to me how turning the knob on a gas cannister thats BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE AND IS NOT CONNECTED TO THE CAR IN ANY WAY can release a knockout gas through the A/C vents of said car.
-So,lets get back to what you would do in a crisis situation such as being held prisnor in a room. Would sex not be the LAST thing on the mind of an average human being? Thought so...but once again,not to Jennifer as she ends up fucking Gary while both are being held captive (or at least Gary pretends to be)...but it's not just her,it's every single bitch that Gary and her brother have ever captured! And this,my friends,is where the motive is revealed. Apparently,Gary and his brother capture these women,make it look like Gary is held prisnor as well,instill so much fear in the women that they break down and have sex with Gary,and then kill them. What kind of stupid bitches are these?
-And of course,Gary had to pull the whole "this girl is different" love angle. What exactly made her so different? She was a shallow sterotypical bitch.
-You're telling me Gary went all that time without noticing that the cabinet he put the tapes of him having sex with the captive women wasn't closed like he thought? Even with all that cleaning up he was doing in the house? Not fucking buying it,so don't try to sell it...in fact,don't even give it away.
-A couple of people had a bad habit of unrealistically coming back to life after it looks as though they've been definitivly killed.
So now,with all that stabbed in,it begs the question...is this (the version I saw) worse than Rob Zombie's Halloween (the workprint,which is also the version I saw)? Well,in order to come up with the answer,I need to compare the number of legite flaws I found in both:
Captivity:16-22
Rob Zombie's Halloween:AT LEAST 30
I believe the answer is obvious...NO IT ISN'T! While Captivity had its fair share of stupidity that made the movie terrible,you could pratically find stupidity in damn near every scene of Halloween...PLUS the fact that Captivity looks stupid all on its own,while Halloween pratically drags the much SUPERIOR original film down (no I'm not saying that the remake nessasarally affects the original's quality...I'm talking in terms of mere association). So yea,I'm sorry guys,but Halloween was worse.
However,having said that,again keep in mind that I didn't watch the unrated or theatrical cut of Captivity nor have I seen the theatrical version of Halloween. The theatrical version of Captivity seems to contain even more flaws that would make it slightly less worse or even just as bad as Halloween,while the theatrical version of Halloween could very well be just as bad as this version of Captivity. One thing is for sure though,neither one of them match the ineptitude of Day of the Dead 2 Contagium.
Overall though,yes,this movie is terrible and is a big fat waste of time and celluloid.
2/5