Post by Fickle81 on Sept 10, 2006 3:40:24 GMT -5
Some detailed spoilers:
"As witty as Shaun of the Dead,as scary as The Descent."
Jon Madden - Boys Toys
Wrong on both counts,motherfucker!
Severance is the second feature film from director Christopher Smith (who did the underwhelming by the numbers "pump it once,then throw it out and never see it again" horror film Creep) and is a horror comedy. I use the term VERY loosely because it hardly succeeds at either.
The movie is pratically lifeless. When you see the groovy first kill in the very beginning,you have hope that it's gonna be good...but sadly,it isn't. So what exactly is wrong with it?
-The movie gives you some truly paper thin characters that are made only worse due to the fact that the movie seems to think they're interesting and attempts to develop them (key word being ATTEMPTS),making it so the horror element doesn't truly kick in till around the 40 minute mark of an hour and a half movie.
-Said paper thin characters do some truly stupid things during the course of the movie...such as thinking the rundown shithole they found and seattled in was the "luxury lodge" they were meant to be at for their weekend retreat,deciding to "head back to the lodge and wait till morning" (lodge meaning the rundown shithole that just happened to be in the middle of nowhere) rather than getting the fuck out of there (even if it meant walking) after their bus flipped over and after finding one of their colleagues decapatated,giving one of their colleagues who had their leg chopped off from a bear trap ecstasy,and quite a bit more.
-A note on the decapated colleague...just because one may still be able to think for 2 minutes once decapataed doesn't mean they're able to move their eyes and grin...and what great irony it was that the individual that was decapated was the one that made the claim that brains from decapated heads are aware and able to think for 2 minutes once decapatated...the movie is chalk full of such cliche uses of irony...
-The "preemptive creating of a possible backstory for the rundown shithole the characters thought was the luxury lodge as a means of explaining the motives of the psychos that would appear quite a bit later in the film" scene was downright embarrassing. What was that silent film shit all about? Was that supposed to be funny? Heres a news headline for ya,Smith...it sure as shit WASN'T. Then you had the random ass assertion from main character Steve (I'm supposed to give a shit about this drug taking,poverty stricken man's Simon Pegg?) about how the place used to be a resting home with sexy nurses that partook in orgies with themselves till some young guy came along...what?
-The entire time,the psychotic killers had their own slaughterhouse underneath the rundown shithole,which obviously meant the place belonged to them (one of them even takes one of their injured colleagues right from under their noses)...yet,they hardly bothered any of the characters until much later. What the hell were they waiting for? Oh wait,how silly of me to ask such a question...they had to allow the movie try to develop these shit characters...my mistake...
-The guy who stepped on the land mine had the opportunity to take out most if not all of the psychos right then and there by stepping off the mine...yet he waits until the last 2 get in proximity before stepping off,blowing himself and only the last 2 psychos to bits...REAL smart thinking there...even smarter than Maggie saying the shotgun she had was out of ammo right in front of all the psychoes while continuing to threaten to shoot them if they moved,and WAY smarter than me commenting on this stupid shit when I already said the characters did some truly outragiously stupid shit...
-Not remotly scary in the slightest,probably due to the fact that the characters sucked,causing the viewer to root for them to get slaughtered rather than care about them enough to want them to survive.
-In the entire hour and a half running time,the movie managed to be funny only 3 or 4 times...and one of those times was incredibly dumb. While it was quite amusing,what kind of dipshit would put somebody sounding frantic and claming they needed help from an emergency situation on hold?
-With exception of the beginning kill and the beartrap injury,the kills in this movie were dull.
-One of the killers had Maggie right where he wants her due to her being hung upside down...but decides to cut her down in an attempt to get some forceful vagina ravaging action from her. Needless to say,this leads to said psycho's death...
Believe it or not,I could go on...but I really don't feel the need. Creep may have been mediocre,but this was downright terrible. Christopher Smith is now 0-2. In fact,I WAS gonna give this a 2.5/5 rating,but reading all this as I write it has made me decide to go even lower,so...
2/5
"As witty as Shaun of the Dead,as scary as The Descent."
Jon Madden - Boys Toys
Wrong on both counts,motherfucker!
Severance is the second feature film from director Christopher Smith (who did the underwhelming by the numbers "pump it once,then throw it out and never see it again" horror film Creep) and is a horror comedy. I use the term VERY loosely because it hardly succeeds at either.
The movie is pratically lifeless. When you see the groovy first kill in the very beginning,you have hope that it's gonna be good...but sadly,it isn't. So what exactly is wrong with it?
-The movie gives you some truly paper thin characters that are made only worse due to the fact that the movie seems to think they're interesting and attempts to develop them (key word being ATTEMPTS),making it so the horror element doesn't truly kick in till around the 40 minute mark of an hour and a half movie.
-Said paper thin characters do some truly stupid things during the course of the movie...such as thinking the rundown shithole they found and seattled in was the "luxury lodge" they were meant to be at for their weekend retreat,deciding to "head back to the lodge and wait till morning" (lodge meaning the rundown shithole that just happened to be in the middle of nowhere) rather than getting the fuck out of there (even if it meant walking) after their bus flipped over and after finding one of their colleagues decapatated,giving one of their colleagues who had their leg chopped off from a bear trap ecstasy,and quite a bit more.
-A note on the decapated colleague...just because one may still be able to think for 2 minutes once decapataed doesn't mean they're able to move their eyes and grin...and what great irony it was that the individual that was decapated was the one that made the claim that brains from decapated heads are aware and able to think for 2 minutes once decapatated...the movie is chalk full of such cliche uses of irony...
-The "preemptive creating of a possible backstory for the rundown shithole the characters thought was the luxury lodge as a means of explaining the motives of the psychos that would appear quite a bit later in the film" scene was downright embarrassing. What was that silent film shit all about? Was that supposed to be funny? Heres a news headline for ya,Smith...it sure as shit WASN'T. Then you had the random ass assertion from main character Steve (I'm supposed to give a shit about this drug taking,poverty stricken man's Simon Pegg?) about how the place used to be a resting home with sexy nurses that partook in orgies with themselves till some young guy came along...what?
-The entire time,the psychotic killers had their own slaughterhouse underneath the rundown shithole,which obviously meant the place belonged to them (one of them even takes one of their injured colleagues right from under their noses)...yet,they hardly bothered any of the characters until much later. What the hell were they waiting for? Oh wait,how silly of me to ask such a question...they had to allow the movie try to develop these shit characters...my mistake...
-The guy who stepped on the land mine had the opportunity to take out most if not all of the psychos right then and there by stepping off the mine...yet he waits until the last 2 get in proximity before stepping off,blowing himself and only the last 2 psychos to bits...REAL smart thinking there...even smarter than Maggie saying the shotgun she had was out of ammo right in front of all the psychoes while continuing to threaten to shoot them if they moved,and WAY smarter than me commenting on this stupid shit when I already said the characters did some truly outragiously stupid shit...
-Not remotly scary in the slightest,probably due to the fact that the characters sucked,causing the viewer to root for them to get slaughtered rather than care about them enough to want them to survive.
-In the entire hour and a half running time,the movie managed to be funny only 3 or 4 times...and one of those times was incredibly dumb. While it was quite amusing,what kind of dipshit would put somebody sounding frantic and claming they needed help from an emergency situation on hold?
-With exception of the beginning kill and the beartrap injury,the kills in this movie were dull.
-One of the killers had Maggie right where he wants her due to her being hung upside down...but decides to cut her down in an attempt to get some forceful vagina ravaging action from her. Needless to say,this leads to said psycho's death...
Believe it or not,I could go on...but I really don't feel the need. Creep may have been mediocre,but this was downright terrible. Christopher Smith is now 0-2. In fact,I WAS gonna give this a 2.5/5 rating,but reading all this as I write it has made me decide to go even lower,so...
2/5