|
Post by Fickle81 on Oct 30, 2005 0:31:07 GMT -5
Vin Diesel:www.4q.cc/vin/Vin Diesel's contract stipulates that there must be a minimum of 36 unwrapped Twinkies in his dressing room at all times.Chuck Norris:www.4q.cc/chuck/After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missle Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of Sports by Huey Lewis and the News. This soon became the prototype for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine.
|
|
|
Post by Fickle81 on Oct 30, 2005 2:06:29 GMT -5
Vin Diesel:
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
Vin Diesel's favorite pick-up line is, "Get in my fucking truck before I shoot you." It works every time.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Welch's grape juice does not make Vin Diesel's lips smack, but it once invoked him to cause the fall of Rome.
Chuck Norris:
Ever wonder what happened to Hootie and the Blowfish? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked those losers to Hell just for being so gay.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
|
|
Count Dragula
Untouchable
completely baffled by a backward indication
Posts: 99
|
Post by Count Dragula on Oct 30, 2005 5:24:36 GMT -5
Hahahahaha norris owns!!! And as always fuck vin diesel..
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked China, hence the flat faces.
Chuck Norris randomly subscribes to TV Guide and has the copies sent to various households across the nation, along with the bills for said subscriptions.
hick Norris recorded Metallica's "Master of Puppets" album by himself in an abandoned distillery in Texas. James Hetfield, Kirk Hammet, Lars Ulrich and Cliff Burton were afforded the chance to tour with the material after a lengthy legal battle in which Chuck Norris represented himself.
Hasselhoff blew up Chuck Norris' mailbox for stealing his cameo glory in Dodgeball. Norris then blew up Hasselhoff's mother.
|
|
|
Post by Fickle81 on Nov 1, 2005 19:59:20 GMT -5
Vin Diesel:
When Vin Diesel dies, he will return to the life stream and stop Meteor.
Mikhail Gorbachev's birthmark is not a birthmark at all. It is actually a bruise caused by Vin Diesel in a heated game of duck-duck-goose.
Vin Diesel is neither pro-choice or pro-life. He is pro-death.
Vin Diesel once set fire to the Keebler Elf tree for turning down his Rusty Nail Chocolate Ripple and Motor Oil Raisin Cookie ideas.
Vin Diesel once fucked a hooker so hard she went into a coma. She did, however, manage to give birth. To Superman.
Chuck Norris:
Unlike Mr. T, Chuck Norris doesn't pity the fool. He roundhouse kicks him.
While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.
Chuck Norris was the Fifth Ninja Turtle, but he was kicked out when he refused to wear a protective shell and continued to maintain that "Roundhouse Kick" was the only weapon he needed.
Chuck Norris promised a Gypsy that he would eat San Francisco when Duke Nukem Forever is released. That's why it has been pushed back so many times.
Chuck Norris sank the Titanic with a slow-motion roundhouse kick because Chuck Norris can't stand that Celine Dion song.
|
|
Count Dragula
Untouchable
completely baffled by a backward indication
Posts: 99
|
Post by Count Dragula on Nov 2, 2005 23:27:14 GMT -5
Chuck Norris devised his own STD. On top of that, he doesnt tell women about it until after he punches them in the throat.
|
|
|
Post by Fickle81 on Jan 20, 2006 23:43:54 GMT -5
FUCK YES! A Mr. T Random Fact Generator! www.4q.cc/t/Mr. T misplaced his favorite gold chain, and consequently punted 6 kittens into the sun in a fit of rage.
About 150 years ago, the south abolished the practice of slavery. This was, of course, a preemptive course of action; they didn't want to offend Mr. T.
In Japan, scientists use the gravitational force of Mr. T's pity to power orphanages.
Colonel Mustard once tried to off Mr. T in the lounge with the candlestick. Mr. T just laughed and killed Colonel Mustard right there, with his bare hands.
Someone once asked Mr. T what the "T" stood for. He told them that it stood for "Tear yo head off fo asking stupid questions". He then tore the guys head off so he would not have to listen to more jibba-jabba.
God did not have the motivation to create the planet Earth until Mr. T told Him that He was a fool.
There's no such thing as Old Faithful. That's just Mr. T pissing in China.
When he was a younger man Mr. T lived on Atlantis. A casual remark that Mohawks were not currently in style threw T into a murderous rage. His fury was so great he head-butted the island to the bottom of the ocean killing everyone. He escaped the disaster and flew to solid land by forming a golden attack helicopter out of his necklaces.
Scientists are actaully wrong about evaporation. Water molocules flee to the sky in fear of being pittied by Mr. T
Once when Mr. T was in Mexico eating a taco dinner, Jesus appeared in one of his tortillas. Mr. T. promptly shouted, "Get the hell out my tortilla, fool!" whereupon, Jesus vanished. The second coming was then postponed another 2000 years.
|
|
|
Post by Fickle81 on Jan 21, 2006 0:06:03 GMT -5
The only thing stopping Mr. T from world domination is his burden of having to pity all those damn fools.
On a visit to Cuba, Fidel Castro tried to make Mr. T remove his gold. The swiftest backhand to date followed. Americans know this event as Hurricane Katrina. Or as Mr. T calls it, Hurricane Mr. T.
Barry Bonds is in jail today for attempting to use a banned performance enhancing substance. Apparently Bonds broke into Mr. T's house to acquire the only naturally occurring and undetectable anabolic steroid in the world. Unfortunately for Bonds, Mr. T woke up when the blood transfusion needle bent instead of penetrating Mr. T's skin. Mr. T did not call the police. Bonds just thought that jail would be the safest place to hide from Mr. T.
Mr. T once took a "pity leak" in Russia and caused widespread devastation that is commonly blamed on Cherynoble.
Global warming is the result of the suns rays hitting Mr. T's gold chains.
Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.
|
|
|
Post by Fickle81 on Mar 17, 2006 2:59:12 GMT -5
|
|