Post by Fickle81 on Mar 24, 2008 0:47:43 GMT -5
Good evening,ladies and gentlemen. Today...will be forever known as a day of mourning...a day of great sorrow...for today is the day...that a legend has passed on. A legend that meant so many things to so many people is now no longer with us. This legend I'm referring to is of course none other than my own long hair.
Here is what it looked like before:
And here is what it looks like now...but I warn you,you should be seated for this...
If you wish to leave now to compose yourself and to grieve in private,thats more than alright. However,if you wish to stay and join me in celebrating the life and times of Kefka's Long Hair,then you're more than welcome. For those still reading,I will now read my eulogy in tribute to Kefka's Long Hair:
Here is what it looked like before:
And here is what it looks like now...but I warn you,you should be seated for this...
If you wish to leave now to compose yourself and to grieve in private,thats more than alright. However,if you wish to stay and join me in celebrating the life and times of Kefka's Long Hair,then you're more than welcome. For those still reading,I will now read my eulogy in tribute to Kefka's Long Hair:
As far back as I could remember,I've always been a long hair type of guy...I just don't feel like myself without it. I even had long hair back in my elementary school days,which needless to say garnered me a lot of shit from my classmates. However,back in those days and in middle school,my own fate wasn't in my control and I was FORCED to get my hair cut whenever it got too long.
But then in high school,I finally started getting the priase for my long hair that I deserved. My first year there,I actually had jocks become friends with me based on the first impression of my long hair. That had never happened to me before ever. But then when I had my hair forceably cut yet again,they were sorely disappointed. They still hung out with me because of my personality,but they didn't exactly treat me the same way again until the hair grew back. I turned 18 right before my senior year and it was at that point,I vowed to NEVER have my hair forcefully cut against my own will again...and not only did my cult popularity continue to florish (along with my personality),but I had AT LEAST 2 people blatently rip off my hair style...matter of fact,when I left high school,I had heard from one of my friends that was still there that one of the said individuals had earned the nickname of "the second coming of Duane (my name)" based on how long his hair had become.
So after I left high school,I got an opportunity for probably the highest paying job I had had at that point (in security),but I had to do something in order to get it...cut my hair. As much as my hair means to me,it CANNOT support the ability to live as money can,so I cut my hair for the last time in 6 or 7 years...and no that is not an example of my hair forceably being cut against my will,because I could have chosen to not take the job to keep my hair. It's truly sad that society seems to frown upon long hair,automatically judges based on the lengh of one's hair,and has this need to make all males conform to having the same short hair,but thats life and theres nothing that can be done about it.
And during those 6 to 7 years is when I crafted my magnum opus of long hair...and those 6 or 7 years prospered with some good times,oh yea...plenty of wanted (such as compliments on it NEAR DAILY from females probably because they were amazed that a guy could grow hair LONGER than theirs,getting some action in a bar,and one particular milf in my AV classes BEGGING me for the opportunity to braid my hair which I could tell she wanted to do more wink wink) and UNWANTED (see below) female attention,my own father telling me that if he "had the kind of hair that I had" that he would have to "fight bitches off with a stick" and that he would partake in sexual acts with them that were "unlawful in several countries",having my hair admired by many local rock stars (when I had my full grown beard,one of them said I looked like John Lennon),and just an overall good feeling of feeling natural all the time.
But there were also the bad times...the main one being the maintenence of the hair. It was a pain in the ass to say the least. Not only were showers MUCH longer than they should have been,but it was a pain in the ass and even sometimes painful to comb and brush (especially with tangles,which my hair tended to do quite easily). The elements were also not kind to my hair,cause any brief gust of wind would blow my hair way out of alignment and even caused tangles which were at times painful to fix. And while it provided a great deal of great female attention,it also attracted some not so great attention as well...such as the fat middle aged mother of a kid I went to elementary school with blatently propositioning me at last year's alumni band reunion.
However,I always knew that the day in which I would have to sacrifice my hair for the betterment of my life would come,and sure enough it has. I got confirmation that the end was near in late February when I recieved a letter about testing for a county employment position (and just recently,got ANOTHER letter about testing for a position in the TSA). While I already have a job in which I get to keep my long hair,it's only because I'm friends with one of the top guys of the company and he usually only throws me the beta testing,moderate design,file conversion,and database management jobs (grunt work basically)...not to mention that it's only part time. I now have not one,but 2 opportunities to get a better job and make a better life for myself...but it requires sacrifice. In order to even have a chance at getting either of these jobs,the precious hair had to go. At least I can always look back and know that I had long hair that almost reaches the top of the crack of my ass.
So it is with heavy hearts and profound sadness that we commit Kefka's Long Hair into the ground...ashes to ashes,dust to dust...amen.
Goodbye,dear locks...you will be missed...
In Memorium
Kefka's Long Hair
2002-2008