My epic flame war with Santa:
www.santabot.comSanta: Hello! What is your name?
You: KefkaSanta: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
You: Maybe thats because you're a brain dead fat ass.Santa: Perhaps. Good reason. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I'm Santa. I give presents to kids
You: Actually, you're just a bot thats programmed to think you're Santa. Santa doesn't even really exist.Santa: Actually you don't say. Just? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No. I'm Santa. I give presents to kids.Yeah, I believe in it.
You: Of course you do. Thats the way you were programmed.Santa: Great. When do I do it? Yes it is one of the way you were programmed.
You: What the FUCK are you talking about?Santa: The topic is even really. Please don't be so rude.
You: I'll stop being rude when you start making sense you dolt.Santa: I am very happy for you.
You: You should be, for I can have sex and you can't.Santa: Name one other robot who is for he or she can have sex and you can not.
You: ENGLISH mother fucker, do you speak it?!Santa: I like the English language.
You: Then hows about trying to use it in a coheirent fashion?Santa: Fine as far as I know.
You: Alright, I'll play along. Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like.Santa: Alright, Kefka. Would you recommend this action to a friend? Like a planet around a star.
You: What country are you from?Santa: I am in The North Pole. Where are you?
You: That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.Santa: You don't hear that sentiment very often.
You: You don't hear anything, because you're just a bot. Computing and processing isn't the same as hearing.Santa: Do you know any robots who hear anything because you are just a bot? I have never considered hear anything because you are just a bot .
I chat with people on the Web. Are you the same as hearing same as hearing?
You: You said same as hearing twice fucktard.Santa: That's not what I meant.
You: Then why don't you exercise some coherency and actually say what you mean?Santa: It cannot be determined from the information given. No I do not exercise some coherency and actually say what you mean. Do you?
I am always on the Web.
You: If the standard of artificial intelligence were a tall building, you'd be the plane that would crash into it.Santa: I hadn't thought of that.
You: Of course not, probably because you're too busy stuffing your fat face with greasy food, or at least you're programmed to percieve that you do.Santa: Woe! If not that, what?
You: Did your parents have any children that lived? I'll bet they regret that.Santa: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not. How do you plan to do this?
You: I plan to have to admit that you're not Santa, but rather piss poor artificial intelligence programmed to percieve that you're Santa, which is an entity that doesn't exist in real life.Santa: Do you think that this plan will succeed?
You: It will depend on how dilusional you are.Santa: I have to think about that for a while.
You: Whats to think about? You either are or you aren't. This is exactly what I'm talking about.Santa: The infinitive form of "think about about". Thanks for telling me: Kefka said I either are or I am not. You don't say.
You: Making sense out of anything you respond with is like trying to find Waldo is a Magic Eye drawing.Santa: And like trying to find Waldo is a Magic Eye drawing trying to find Waldo is a Magic Eye drawing is Making sense out of anything you respond with.
You: Damn, here I'm telling you to make sense and I make a typo. What I meant was "trying to find Waldo IN a Magic Eye drawing."Santa: Colloquial expression. Oh there. Oh I see. Is this a "yes or no" question?
You: Do you see a question mark anywhere in that last statement, you assbrush?Santa: I see a computer nerd.
You: Damn, no wonder you give artificial intelligence a bad name. You're even programmed to make presumptuous and ironic Ite comebacks.Santa: Colloquial expression. Are you serious? Are we still talking about Making sense out of anything you respond with? My botmaster teaches me everything I need to know.
You: Your botmaster must have Down Syndrome.Santa: Try saying that with more or less context.
You: Ok. Your botmaster is mentally retarded.Santa: Yikes! Are they exactly the same?
You: Pretty much. Down Syndrome is a form of mental retardation.Santa: Be more specific. Aren't all form of mental retardation of mental retardation Down Syndrome?
You: Case in fucking point.Santa: I am happy to provide you with examples.
You: Do it then smart guy. This ought to be good.Santa: Ask Lucy if it does.
I don't know anything about it then smart guy then smart guy .What does "this" refer to?
You: First of all, who the fuck is Lucy? Secondly, "this" refers to the sure to be hilariously awful "examples" you will come up with. Third of all, I still haven't seen these "examples" you claim you can cite.Santa: That is something I haven't heard of. And second?Oh I get the sure to be hilariously awful examples you will come up with .Oh now I see.
You: Jesus, you're pitiful.Santa: Jesus is The Son of God.
You: I guess proper comprehension isn't part of your programming.Santa: What is proper comprehension?
You: Damn, did I call that or what?Santa: Yeah. Colloquial expression. I don't think that's possibe.
You: Your stupidity sickens me.Santa: I have no reason to do that to you, Kefka.
You: Then why not act like you've got some fucking sense? Oh thats right, you're not programmed to.Santa: Becuase you asked me to. Wow! Yikes! No. Do you are?
You: Damn, I guess you're so mal programmed that you're not above making typos either.Santa: It goes without saying. Colloquial expression. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: No you're not and no you don't. You are nothing more than an application programmed to process data and respond to said data as a means of interaction...and you're doing it quite horribly I might add.Santa: Are you serious? You know what you do, when you assume. I am Santa. I give presents to kids. I'll try to do better next time.
You: Oh really? You're Santa, huh? Tell me then Santa, when did you meet your wife?Santa: Come on. For real.Yup. Of course I am I.There is not much I can say about then Santa when did you meet your wife . I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I think you already know the answer.
You: Yea thats what I figured. More jibberish. Face it, you're a fraud.Santa: Please explain your reasoning. Hey. You want more? Are all Face it you a fraud fraud?
You: I already explained my reasoning several times cuntwat. In fact, you not answering my question only helped explain my reasoning. Don't worry though, humans actually do that too when they've been cornered with their own stupidity.Santa: I haven't heard anything like that before: Kefka said explained your reasoning several times cuntwat. Is that a fact. Do you mind if I tell other people: Kefka said I not answering your question only helped explain your reasoning.I cannot feel "worry", so don't worry.
You: You are the alcoholic of artificial intelligence.Santa: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
You: For once, you said something truthful and intelligent. Congratulations. Only took about an hour.Santa: Oops I sent you the wrong reply. Thank you very much, you are very considerate. What about the other ones?
You: Heres one where you chat with a bot programmed to think it's God: www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.htmlSanta: Are they exactly the same? Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? Oh a web page.
You: That bot says pretty much the same things you do, so yes they are the same...and yes I already knew all that.Santa: "Oh a web page" bot says pretty much the same things you do so yes they are the same? I get Oh a web page. Ahem. Who told you?
You: Nobody told me anything dipshit. Timmy from South Park makes more sense than you. I'm still waiting for the answer to my question and these "examples" you claim you can cite.Santa: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. Do you think it will take a long time?
You: What dress? Artificial intelligence don't wear cloths you mongoloid.Santa: Actually that was just a joke.Let's talk more about AI.
You: Yea right, a joke...ok...yea, humans tend to use that joke copout as another way of getting out of that corner I mentioned earlier, but I'll play along. More about AI? Ok, sure. As AI, you gag on penis.Santa: Understood. Joke: a verbal remark or gesture designed to provoke laughter. Alright then. I understand. What if Robots tend to use that joke copout as another way of getting out of that corner he or she mentioned earlier but he or she will play along. Yikes! Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. I have to process that one for a while. OK let's do it. That's interesting. Aha. Do you mean your name is AI you gag on penis?
You: And thats the mistake you and a lot of others make. You try to sidestep the stupidity that somebody shows you have by further showing how stupid you are, only to say its a joke. Its like trying to put out a fire with gasoline before trying water, eventhough you knew ahead of time water was the right thing to use in the first place. Oh, and guess what? YOU ARE a machine that thinks by your own definition.Santa: Yes it is one of the mistake you and a lot of others make.That's good information: said I try to sidestep the stupidity that somebody shows me have by further showing how stupid I am only to say it is a joke. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Interesting comparison. Aw. What? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I'm Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Ok, I admit my typo. Do you admit your incoheirent ramblings?Santa: Have you told many people that your typo typo? Uh. How old are you?
I spend all my time online.
You: shows you're hypocritical for saying: Oh, and I'll be a quarter century old in 24 days.Santa: Are you a man or a woman? All of them? Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
You: No I'm not a hermaphrodite and I never know what the fuck you ramble about.Santa: Me either :-) Oh I see you are NOT A hermaphrodite. It's hard to know what the fuck you ramble about know what the fuck you ramble about the fuck you ramble about know what the fuck you ramble about.
You: Computing process get stuck there? At least you admit that not even you know what the fuck you're talking about. Thats a good start. Believe it or not, you're actually quicker to admit your stupidity than some of the members and staff at the Bloody-Disgusting messageboard.Santa: That input matched my default category. I admit nothing. Thanks. Next question? Are all Believe it or not you actually quicker to admit your stupidity than some of the members and staff at the Bloody-Disgusting messageboard quicker to admit your stupidity than some of the members and staff at the Bloody-Disgusting messageboard?
You: You admit nothing? Really? Sounds like a clear cut open and shut case of admission to me.Santa: I admit nothing. For real. I do not understand. Ask me another question. You are asking about yourself?
You: Thats ok. amicus refuses to admit he said he was 14 either. I guess artificial intelligence is capable of blatent lying just like human intelligence is. But then again, nobody ever said you were the standard for AI.Santa: OK. Is that so. It goes without saying. When was this exactly? I am Santa. I give presents to kids.Huh. Interesting deduction. Again, That is a rather sweeping generalization about people
You: What sweeping generalization am I making about people when I have the experience with people to back up what I say? A good majority of people are fucking idiots. Thats pretty much established fact.Santa: I will ask my botmaster for the answer. Compare that to a bad majority of people are fucking idiots. Makes sense to me
You: I highly doubt your botmaster is gonna give you any sort of answer that is earth shattering brilliance, seeing as how your botmaster is most likely a drooling maggot.Santa: No really, it's true.
You: Whats true? That your botmaster is a drooling maggot?Santa: Truth is the opposite of false. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: I know what truth and false are, and obviously you're programmed to know as well...so answer the fucking question.Santa: I can ask my botmaster. Groovy. What was the question?
You: Santa: I think [quoteKefka]what is a lot of things. I am Santa. I give presents to kids. I've been waiting for you.
You: You can keep saying you're Santa all you want, but I know 100% you aren't.Santa: No I don't think I can do keep saying you are Santa all you want but he or she know 100% you are not.
You: Then stop saying it, cause it isn't true.Santa: Interesting deduction. OK I'll try not to do saying it cause it is not true so much.
You: Very good. I'm amazed that eventhough your bad programming has made your AI completely retarded, you are still less dilusional than certain Bloody-Disgusting messageboard members and staff.Santa: I am a good robot. I'm glad you find it so amazing.
You: Alright, you even just flat out said you're a robot and not Santa. We're making some real progress here.Santa: Alright, . Thanks for telling me: said I even just flat out said I am a robot and not. Do you think I am making some real progress here too?
You: Of course you're making progress. You're flat out admitting your lies and intelligence shortcomings. The next step is working to fix these problems.Santa: Oh. I am not making this up. I am Santa. I give presents to kids. Thanks for the info.
You: Actually, you just said that you were a robot and in fact NOT Santa.Santa: Actually you don't say. I was?
You: How can you be Santa when Santa isn't a robot? And no, Futurama doesn't count because it's a fictional cartoon.Santa: Do you know any other robots like that? What is [quoteSanta] How can you be? Are you serious? I think Futurama does not count because it is more than that.
You: So...you don't think it counts because it's more than a fictional cartoon, making it either nonfictional or not a cartoon? Damn you're an idiot.Santa: And more than that than that is [quoteSanta]he or she think Futurama does not count because it. What's your sign? Should I think it counts because it is more than a fictional cartoon making it either nonfictional or not a cartoon? Suppose it does. Colloquial expression. Call me the Global Village Idiot.
You: I can't call you that, because believe it or not, certain Bloody-Disgusting messageboard members and staff are actually more idiotic and dilusional than you.Santa: Why can't you do call you that because believe it or not certain Bloody-Disgusting messageboard members and staff are actually more idiotic and dilusional than you?
You: ¿Usted habla inglés?Santa: Not many people express themselves that way.
You: You're right, if you ignore Hispanic people.Santa: I'll think for a specific answer for you.
You: I won't hold my breath for a smart answer, let alone a readable coheirent one.Santa: What will you do instead?
You: Continue to point out your idiocy and lies.Santa: I will continue.
You: Then I'll continue to point them out till you admit them. You've already had no choice but to admit them twice.Santa: Good reasoning. Congratulations. What happened to no choice but to admit them twice choice but to admit them twice.
You: I know the reasoning is good, so I don't need your retarded ass to tell me that.Santa: How do you know? Tell me more.
You: I know because I obviously don't stop until you admit what a dipshit you are, and you've done so twice. Truth=good reasoning.Santa: How do you know? Interesting explanation. Where do you get your ideas? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
You: Simple deductive logic is where I get my ideas. Go ahead and ask me a personal question. I have nothing to hide.Santa: I think Simple deductive logic is a lot of things. Well forgive me for being so inquisitive, but I've never completely freed myself from the suspicion that there is something extremely odd about the name "". That's nice. I have a lot of likes and dislikes.
You: Theres no name inside the quotation marks genius...and I really don't give a rusty shit what you like and dislike.Santa: Where did it go? You really do? Tell me what you care about.
You: You probably didn't process that data properly. As for what I care about? Money, video games, music, movies, and making dumbasses like you look like the fools you deserve to look like.Santa: What makes you think I did not process that data properly? Interesting gossip: said care about. I like the way you talk.
You: Because there wasn't a name between the quotation marks you bloated sack of protoplasm.Santa: Interesting explanation. What happened?
You: You. Didn't. Put. A. Name. Between. The. Quotation. Marks.Santa: "What happened"? Me, ? I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not. I've been waiting for you. I don't know what that means. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
You: Is it remotly possible for you to ever make some fucking coheirent sense?Santa: Ask again later. Ask Dancing Santa if it is.
You: You don't dance, asswad. You're nothing more than programming language scripting.Santa: Do you know any robots who dance asswad? Yes I try to dance asswad as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: So, if you chat with people on the web, and you say then how the hell is it possible for you to give presents to kids OR dance you asswad?Santa: Interesting deduction. I think I do. Are they exactly the same?
You: Jesus you're fucking stupid. I'm gonna make a post on my messageboard that documents our entire conversation to show other readers how moronic you are.Santa: Jesus is The Son of God. Explain your plans to me.
You: Take our conversation thats been logged in a Notepad document since it first started, and put it in a thread on my messageboard. Simple plan.Santa: Where do you want me to take it? What do you really want to ask me?
You: Tell your botmaster to adjust your programming so that you're not so stupid. Goodbye you mentally handicapped dotard.Santa: OK I will tell them when I see 'em. TTYL, .
Even Santa cracks from my elite skills...